Dear Freshman-self,
You are going to see soon that moving 7 hours away from home and packing everything you own into a small college dorm room is just the easy part of this new transition.
You'll find out soon that the multiple devotionals and sermons you studied leading up to this change will not help at all. You are probably wondering what I mean and, if anything, wondering if what I'm about to say is true.
I wish it wasn't true, but I have to say yes. Yes, it is all true. All the hurt, worry, stress, anxiety. It gets to a point where you feel like you have no worth and no desire. But hold on, please. Just hold on.
You'll start off before the semester with someone catching your eye. They've always been there, but you've never really seen them. Here is your first warning: hold onto your heart. Please don't be so quick to give it away because it will be smashed and left in a million pieces. You think this will finally be the time that God sends someone special to you, to enjoy the many great and fun things of college with. Keep Proverbs 4:23 (which will soon become your anthem), "Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life", written in your mind. The next month will be hard, but please let this be an opportunity to run, and run fast, to the Lord. I failed to do that and my heart became hard and bitter. But you'll make it past this and God will take your heartbreaker out of your life so you are not constantly reminded of the hurt.
The next couple months will fly by. You'll start classes and meet amazing people who will greatly impact your life. Hold on tight to these bonds, because you will soon need them. As so, because you are a woman, there will be yet another heart break. You won't even see this one coming, but when it does, you'll quickly fall hard. Please be careful with your time. Instead of using your extra time trying to spend time with your new crush, please use that time with the Maker of the universe. I assure you, He is way better than your current muse. I'll tell you this again, and I really hope you believe me this time, please hold onto your heart. But as much as I tell you this, you will still let it go easily. It breaks my heart (well, our heart) to see you walk into this so blindly. Try your best to make the Lord be your sight. He will never let you stumble.
The last, and most important, advice you need to hear is buckle up for the next 2 years and hold on tight. It will be a whirlwind of highs and lows, joyful times and heartbreaking ones. It will be some of the best and hardest years you've ever had. The Lord will be breaking you in so many ways, just to mold you back together and more beautiful than ever. I look back at you and see how different we are. But don't fret, this is a good thing. Your heart is constantly being transformed. The Lord is preparing you for so much, including leadership, so don't push away. You'll make new bonds and tremendously strenghten the ones you've made. Remember, don't easily let these friends go because they won't easily let you go. You're going to need many shoulders to cry on. And in turn, you will be a shoulder to cry on for many. Embrace the heartbroken ones; don't let the tears easily push you away from them. Please, please don't feel like you ever have to say the right things or give perfect advice. God will provide you the right words to say. All they need is your love and comforting hugs.
Get ready for the most growth-filled years of your life. Draw close to the Lord, and He will draw close to you.
With love,
Your future-self.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Sympathy For Adam
So there's this thing that I don't really tell people often, if at all. Maybe it's so I don't sound pathetic or whatever. But here it is: I very much despise being single. Woah, there it is. I've hidden that away in my heart and disguised it with the perfect "content with being single" mask that could fool anyone, including myself.
It's not like I've tried my hardest to not stay single (I have been through many, many years of riding solo) or decided that I'm going to fully embrace the nun-life. I've just been living life like Christ has called me and accepted that little repetitive voice in the back of my head that tells me that being single sucks.
To reassure myself that I'm truly not crazy, I flipped to Genesis 2:18. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.'" Praise the Lord that this is the way I'm wired. God states it plainly; apart from Himself always being with us, it's not good for us to be alone. We were made to long for someone to love us like Christ has loved His bride.
Reading more into this passage made me put myself in Adam's shoes (well, I guess feet for that matter, seeing as clothing wasn't really a option). Between the time of God creating Adam and then Eve, Adam must have been lonely. Yes, God was with Adam and walked with him. Yes, God gave Adam the whole garden to take care of. But I bet there was still a part of Adam that would have loved help with the garden--and life in general.
Wrestling with God lately about this whole passage has brought some truth to me. I am Adam in this stage of my life. I need to walk with God in the garden--just me and Him. I also need to tend to the "garden" communities that He has blessed me with. These are my priorities. And just as God brought Eve to Adam, He will bring me my partner. But in His time, not mine. We never read about Adam whining to God that He hasn't made Eve yet. Ouch, there's some hard truth. Adam just works on the priorities that God has given him at that point in his life--no complaints.
And then there's the one thing that has come from much prayer and that the little voice doesn't want to hear: I feel God is calling me to be single right now.
Wait, did you just say that?
Yes. yes, I did. And whether that means for 4 months or 4 years, it doesn't matter. I can't wait to see how God is going to use me in my singleness. And from all the truth that God has been revealing to me lately, there's one that He has branded on my heart: God is sovereign and so is His timing.
It's not like I've tried my hardest to not stay single (I have been through many, many years of riding solo) or decided that I'm going to fully embrace the nun-life. I've just been living life like Christ has called me and accepted that little repetitive voice in the back of my head that tells me that being single sucks.
To reassure myself that I'm truly not crazy, I flipped to Genesis 2:18. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.'" Praise the Lord that this is the way I'm wired. God states it plainly; apart from Himself always being with us, it's not good for us to be alone. We were made to long for someone to love us like Christ has loved His bride.
Reading more into this passage made me put myself in Adam's shoes (well, I guess feet for that matter, seeing as clothing wasn't really a option). Between the time of God creating Adam and then Eve, Adam must have been lonely. Yes, God was with Adam and walked with him. Yes, God gave Adam the whole garden to take care of. But I bet there was still a part of Adam that would have loved help with the garden--and life in general.
Wrestling with God lately about this whole passage has brought some truth to me. I am Adam in this stage of my life. I need to walk with God in the garden--just me and Him. I also need to tend to the "garden" communities that He has blessed me with. These are my priorities. And just as God brought Eve to Adam, He will bring me my partner. But in His time, not mine. We never read about Adam whining to God that He hasn't made Eve yet. Ouch, there's some hard truth. Adam just works on the priorities that God has given him at that point in his life--no complaints.
And then there's the one thing that has come from much prayer and that the little voice doesn't want to hear: I feel God is calling me to be single right now.
Wait, did you just say that?
Yes. yes, I did. And whether that means for 4 months or 4 years, it doesn't matter. I can't wait to see how God is going to use me in my singleness. And from all the truth that God has been revealing to me lately, there's one that He has branded on my heart: God is sovereign and so is His timing.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Spoiled Quail.
I think we've all found ourselves in the position of begging God to send us "the one". Whether we like to admit it or not, we've probably done it multiple times. I, for one, would need about 2 extra hands to count how many times this has happened. My question is "Why?". Why do we beg so much for something that we know is only going to come around during God's timing? Do we not trust that He's got the perfect plan for our lives and that everything is under control?
At Summit today (the church I attend), the pastor, Isaac, shared a passage of the old testament with us: Numbers 11. This story is set when God's people, the Israelites, were brought out of Egypt (lead by Moses) and are heading to Canaan, the land promised to them by God. But before they get there, they travel through a desert for 40 years. Can you imagine? Traveling across a barren and hot land, with only a bread-like substance to eat? I'll be the first to say that there would be a lot of complaining out of my mouth. And that's exactly what the Israelites did as well. A spirit of complaint rose in them and they began to think that they were better off back in Egypt, where they were extremely oppressed, but where there was an abundance of rich foods. God heard their complaints and summoned Moses to tell the people that He was going to send them meat. So much in fact that for a whole month they would have an overly abundant amount of meat that they would eat until they "gag and [were] sick of it." And that's exactly what happened. God sent a miraculous migration of quail for the people to eat. But there was so much that the meat eventually spoiled and people became sick from eating it and even died from it.
The Israelites learned quickly that begging for something that they think they "needed" was not going to satisfy their hearts as much as what God had in store for them.
This begs to ask the question again; Why?
If we keep begging God to send the perfect someone into our life when it's not the right timing, God might just send someone who we think is the right one (As we see from the passage above, He's done it before). Sure, in the moment they are exactly what you wanted, but in time you will see that they are just going to be destruction to your heart. God doesn't do this to deliberately hurt us; He does it to show that He and His will for your life should reign number one in your heart. He is THE mighty and powerful King, who pours grace and love on us when we don't even deserve His acknowledgment. So why can't we just be satisfied and content with His timing?
Instead of begging for that right person to come along, my new prayer is that I will beg for God to keep me content in His timing for my life. Because I'd rather end up patiently and contently waiting in the arms of God, than to be feasting on spoiled quail.
At Summit today (the church I attend), the pastor, Isaac, shared a passage of the old testament with us: Numbers 11. This story is set when God's people, the Israelites, were brought out of Egypt (lead by Moses) and are heading to Canaan, the land promised to them by God. But before they get there, they travel through a desert for 40 years. Can you imagine? Traveling across a barren and hot land, with only a bread-like substance to eat? I'll be the first to say that there would be a lot of complaining out of my mouth. And that's exactly what the Israelites did as well. A spirit of complaint rose in them and they began to think that they were better off back in Egypt, where they were extremely oppressed, but where there was an abundance of rich foods. God heard their complaints and summoned Moses to tell the people that He was going to send them meat. So much in fact that for a whole month they would have an overly abundant amount of meat that they would eat until they "gag and [were] sick of it." And that's exactly what happened. God sent a miraculous migration of quail for the people to eat. But there was so much that the meat eventually spoiled and people became sick from eating it and even died from it.
The Israelites learned quickly that begging for something that they think they "needed" was not going to satisfy their hearts as much as what God had in store for them.
This begs to ask the question again; Why?
If we keep begging God to send the perfect someone into our life when it's not the right timing, God might just send someone who we think is the right one (As we see from the passage above, He's done it before). Sure, in the moment they are exactly what you wanted, but in time you will see that they are just going to be destruction to your heart. God doesn't do this to deliberately hurt us; He does it to show that He and His will for your life should reign number one in your heart. He is THE mighty and powerful King, who pours grace and love on us when we don't even deserve His acknowledgment. So why can't we just be satisfied and content with His timing?
Instead of begging for that right person to come along, my new prayer is that I will beg for God to keep me content in His timing for my life. Because I'd rather end up patiently and contently waiting in the arms of God, than to be feasting on spoiled quail.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Truth.
I am broken.
I am imperfect.
I am faltering.
I am weak.
I am cracked.
I am drained.
Six truths.
Six truths that all become lies with one spoken sentence of the Lord.
You are mine.
I ambroken whole.
I amimperfect forgiven.
I amfaltering persevering.
I amweak determined.
I amcracked wonderfully made.
I amdrained filled with His love.
I am imperfect.
I am faltering.
I am weak.
I am cracked.
I am drained.
Six truths.
Six truths that all become lies with one spoken sentence of the Lord.
You are mine.
I am
I am
I am
I am
I am
I am
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Just Walk in the Grass.
Follow @JudgeJudyyy
I was walking back from this chapel under the stars one night, a couple of years ago. I happened to look down and God placed a story on my heart. It goes like this:
There was a girl that was walking along a road bare foot. After traveling for a while, she realized that she had drifted to the edge of the road, where the brush and roots intertwined with the cement. She contemplated with herself on which side to keep walking on--the gravel of the road or the grassy trail beside it. Each had it pros and cons. The gravel made her walk faster, but the pebbles in it hurt her feet and made them callused and rough. The grassy trail, on the other hand, was a soft cushion under her tired feet, but it also would hurt her with the tiny thorns that lay in it. After debating, she finally decided to take the grassy trail.
You see, God is the grassy trail. He will be there for you and to soften your walk of life. The thorns intertwined are merely lessons taught by Him, not to harm us, but to keep us trusting in him that there will be relief with each passing step. When we wander away from God and onto the gravel, our troubles increase. Every step we take without God and onto the gravel will cause us pain and leave our hearts hard and blistered. It is when we travel back to the grassy trail that we realize that God wants us to walk with Him and trust Him completely.
It took a long time to realize all that God had for me if my outward desire to be close to Him matched my inside desire. It still is hard to be on God’s time, but I am reassured by His love and grace that He is mine and I am His. I just need to walk in the grass.
I was walking back from this chapel under the stars one night, a couple of years ago. I happened to look down and God placed a story on my heart. It goes like this:
There was a girl that was walking along a road bare foot. After traveling for a while, she realized that she had drifted to the edge of the road, where the brush and roots intertwined with the cement. She contemplated with herself on which side to keep walking on--the gravel of the road or the grassy trail beside it. Each had it pros and cons. The gravel made her walk faster, but the pebbles in it hurt her feet and made them callused and rough. The grassy trail, on the other hand, was a soft cushion under her tired feet, but it also would hurt her with the tiny thorns that lay in it. After debating, she finally decided to take the grassy trail.
You see, God is the grassy trail. He will be there for you and to soften your walk of life. The thorns intertwined are merely lessons taught by Him, not to harm us, but to keep us trusting in him that there will be relief with each passing step. When we wander away from God and onto the gravel, our troubles increase. Every step we take without God and onto the gravel will cause us pain and leave our hearts hard and blistered. It is when we travel back to the grassy trail that we realize that God wants us to walk with Him and trust Him completely.
It took a long time to realize all that God had for me if my outward desire to be close to Him matched my inside desire. It still is hard to be on God’s time, but I am reassured by His love and grace that He is mine and I am His. I just need to walk in the grass.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Live like a 35mm.
Me and one of my friends like to go on "photography adventures". We try to find a new place or go to a place we really like, walk around, take pictures, and take in the whole atmosphere. Before, I would have a digital SLR, which I would love because I could see the image right after I snapped the shutter. So if the lighting, shutter speed, etc. were off, I could adjust settings and get a better image. Well now, I'm using a film 35mm and it is going to take some getting use to. With this camera, I can't see the image after I take it. I can't quickly adjust settings to get a better image. And that, right there, bugs the stew out of me. I have to trust my instinct and knowledge of the camera, so that I can get the image that I want. But I won't see the end result until I pick it up the pictures from the photography store.
During learning how to adjust myself with the new camera, God has been teaching me a lesson through it all.
Like I have posted earlier, I'm the type of person who lines all my ducks in a row and wants to know what the future is going to hold. It's just like the digital SLR. Once I take a photo, I can see the end result and try to change it if I don't like it. But God has been telling me that life doesn't work like that. I can't see what's coming and then adjust my life to how I want it if I don't like what I see. There is no beauty, originality, or creativity in that.
I have to start living life like the 35mm. Live in the moments and hope/trust in God that everything will turn out beautiful. He knows what's going to be on the film of my life and knows the perfect settings to make all the moments unforgetable.
But the beauty in all this is that He let's me look through the eyepiece. Let's me plan how I want the picture to look like. But just because I adjust the settings to how I want them, doesn't mean the picture is going to turn out the way I want it. It might be a total disaster, or it just might be so much better than I ever expected. I just have to trust that God will smile with me when the picture turns out just right, the way He planned it, or be there to hold me when the adjustments I thought were right, fail. Philippians 4:6-7.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Love Will Blind.
Here I find myself at 2:18am, lying in bed and reading some tweets, when it hits me.
People will fail you.
I have always seen the best in everyone and I tried not to accept the fact above, but it is oh so true. I have no clue why, but right now it clicks. Looking back on past friendships, relationships, and just random people I have met, I finally have seen this. It's like this whole time God had put this veil over my eyes. I could still see the hurt and wrong-doing being done to me, but I never wanted to accept that the person actually failed me because all that I could see was hazy.
But now the veil is off, and I can see clearly. I can see the emotional wounds that were placed on me from those in my past. Those who hurt me with words and actions. I am speechless.
And it's not just the people in my past either, some are doing it right now. Whether they know it or not, they are breaking me down to my core. Making me feel like I did or said something wrong. Making me question myself and my confidence. Making me question the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What kills me the most about it too, is I can't say anything. I'm holding on to the one feeling that if I tell them what I'm thinking, everything will just tumble down. It's like things could have been better if I would have just kept my mouth shut.
But the reality of this whole situation is that I should not be fearing what I will say. What kind of friendship/relationship is that? That one person feels they should not say how they feel, so that everything runs smoothy.
So as much as I like to put friends on pedestals, I have to stop. Because one day, they will fail me. It's not that I don't value/treasure the people who are in my life, because I do so much. But I have realized that they are not perfect humans. The only friend I should be putting on a pedestal, the highest one in fact, is Jesus. The only truly perfect human being. When people on this earth fail me, I have to have someone to run to, who has open arms to catch me in and tell me it's going to be alright. Who knows every little part of me, every wound, every emotion, every beautiful flaw.
It's crazy how much comfort that puts me in.
As for my beautifully imperfect friends, I will still love them for the marvelous human beings that they are. As much as it hurts me to know that they will fail me, I have to keep loving. Because one day I will fail them, and I have failed many of them already.
But love will blind all failure.
People will fail you.
I have always seen the best in everyone and I tried not to accept the fact above, but it is oh so true. I have no clue why, but right now it clicks. Looking back on past friendships, relationships, and just random people I have met, I finally have seen this. It's like this whole time God had put this veil over my eyes. I could still see the hurt and wrong-doing being done to me, but I never wanted to accept that the person actually failed me because all that I could see was hazy.
But now the veil is off, and I can see clearly. I can see the emotional wounds that were placed on me from those in my past. Those who hurt me with words and actions. I am speechless.
And it's not just the people in my past either, some are doing it right now. Whether they know it or not, they are breaking me down to my core. Making me feel like I did or said something wrong. Making me question myself and my confidence. Making me question the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. What kills me the most about it too, is I can't say anything. I'm holding on to the one feeling that if I tell them what I'm thinking, everything will just tumble down. It's like things could have been better if I would have just kept my mouth shut.
But the reality of this whole situation is that I should not be fearing what I will say. What kind of friendship/relationship is that? That one person feels they should not say how they feel, so that everything runs smoothy.
So as much as I like to put friends on pedestals, I have to stop. Because one day, they will fail me. It's not that I don't value/treasure the people who are in my life, because I do so much. But I have realized that they are not perfect humans. The only friend I should be putting on a pedestal, the highest one in fact, is Jesus. The only truly perfect human being. When people on this earth fail me, I have to have someone to run to, who has open arms to catch me in and tell me it's going to be alright. Who knows every little part of me, every wound, every emotion, every beautiful flaw.
It's crazy how much comfort that puts me in.
As for my beautifully imperfect friends, I will still love them for the marvelous human beings that they are. As much as it hurts me to know that they will fail me, I have to keep loving. Because one day I will fail them, and I have failed many of them already.
But love will blind all failure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)